Jim Gaffigan Quotes
- All Quotes
-
I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact of the matter is, when you're the youngest of a big family, by the time you're a teenager, your parents are insane. You're like, "Hey, I'm going roller-skating-" "You're not going roller-skating or you'll end up pregnant like your sister. Why don't you smoke pot and become a lawyer?"
-
In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.
-
"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody
-
Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
-
I think it's great some hotels provide stationery. Because the first thing I like to do when I get to a hotel room is write a letter. "My dearest Gwendolyn, I arrived by nightfall at the Embassy Suites. It will be a fortnight after my return that this letter shall arrive. Allow me to explain the curious charge at the ledger. It is because I miss thee so much, darling, I accidentally ordered Sorrority Sisters 7."
-
If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill."
-
Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.
-
I would make sweet love to Don Rickles.
-
I personally have no interest in being a star or a celebrity. I want my stand-up comedy and how I think as a comedian to be recognized and successful.
-
I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.
-
I'm not a foodie; I'm an eatie. I don't have anything against foodies. I just don't have the time or the interest to do that much research.
-
It's kind of hard to articulate, but, like, this notion of mercy, forgiveness, was very appealing for me. It was very profound. And it had a deep impact, and I think it still does.
-
One thing I'm afraid of is not taking advantage of opportunities. I feel like these are kind of gifts.
-
I've been outed as a Christian.
-
How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
-
Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.
-
I was able to make the jump to theaters without having a TV show. My passion for getting a TV show just plummeted. It was like I had already achieved what I wanted to achieve.
-
I don't know if I'm the husky guy, but I'm the sexy guy who's a good kisser .
-
My kids are so dramatically different, but it's not like I would trade one in or like there's one I would pick over the other ones. I know that sounds like I'm bullshitting. I also have five of them so I barely know them.
-
Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January.
-
I come from a very big family. Nine parents.
-
I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.
-
My faith is very personal. It's not something that I want to project on other people.
-
For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.