Jim Gaffigan Quotes
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The Thanksgiving tradition is, we gorge. Hey, what about at Thanksgiving we simply consume a considerable measure? However we do that consistently! Goodness. Imagine a scenario where we consume a ton with individuals who pester the heck out of us.
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I don't want to pick a team. I want to make people laugh and hopefully bring some - be humorous about the human experience, you know, whether they're people of any stripes of life.
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Boutique hotels are great, but they get too cute. Some hotels have shoe polish. It's like, come on, this isn't 1960. No one's polishing their shoes.
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I've been outed as a Christian.
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I personally have no interest in being a star or a celebrity. I want my stand-up comedy and how I think as a comedian to be recognized and successful.
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My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.
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I've had plenty of friends tell me that their first time doing stand-up, they do well, and then they tank for a while after that. Kind of like the first time you do a drug, you're like, "Huh! This is pretty darn good," and then you spend all your money trying to get the same high.
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I was able to make the jump to theaters without having a TV show. My passion for getting a TV show just plummeted. It was like I had already achieved what I wanted to achieve.
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"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody
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Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
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One thing I'm afraid of is not taking advantage of opportunities. I feel like these are kind of gifts.
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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
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I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.
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I would make sweet love to Don Rickles.
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I don't know if I'm the husky guy, but I'm the sexy guy who's a good kisser .
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I was the youngest of the six kids, and to make my older siblings laugh, that was very important. I did a great impression of our dad that made them all laugh, so that gave me a lot of power within the family.
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I come from a very big family. Nine parents.
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Don't you expect a rainbow coming out of the tub of bacon strips at the end of the buffet line?
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For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.
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There's a certain balance between finding an opportunity to do what you really enjoy and getting caught up in the flattery of people wanting you to do things.
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My faith is very personal. It's not something that I want to project on other people.
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Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?
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Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.
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Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.