William Howard Taft Quotes
Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority!
Quotes to Explore
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I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too.
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I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.
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It may sound funny, but it's true: I tried to put myself through the 12-step program. I didn't want to attend a real meeting; my role didn't really require that, and I feel those meetings are sort of sacred, and they're anonymous for a reason. I tried to deal with some of my love of snacks - and I relapsed a lot.
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
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I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.
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I don't think arrested-adolescent humor will fade. Maybe the form will change, but I guarantee its replacement will still be based in immature behavior from mature figures.
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Whenever I'm in the U.K., people say I have an American accent. Which is, obviously, funny.
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People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
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It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.'
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My dad is a really funny guy, and we would make jokes about my leukemia. When my friends would come over, we would joke about it, too.
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People are going to label you anyway, but the one that bugs me the most is when they say, 'One of the funniest female comedians.' There's s no 'funniest male comedians.' You're either a funny comedian, or you're not!
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Pinochet and Barack Obama both have the same primary goal, and that's to be president and stay president as long as allowed.
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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Humor can be an incredible lacerating and effective weapon. And that is the way I use it.
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Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate.
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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I like children - fried.
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Jack Black is so funny! On and off screen, like, he would make you laugh every day. He's hilarious.
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Johnny Rotten. He's a big fan of mine. I used to see him out in the audience in England and he'd stand up and holler. He's funny. Smart too, and a nice guy. Don't think he's a jerk because he isn't.
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Our sales team tells me we're being asked to work on conventions in the fourth quarter.
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I slept in van Gogh's bed. I worked in the room where he painted. I saw the place where he was cared for when he cut off his ear. I lived in the jail cell where he stayed. And I looked out the window. You remember that picture of the cornfields through the bars? That was what I saw.
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The older I get, the more I appreciate my rural childhood. I spent a lot of time outdoors, unsupervised, which is a blessing.
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I don't think you'll ever hear me invoking God in anything I do.
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Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority!
