William Howard Taft Quotes

Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority!

William Howard Taft

• Funny
• President
• Humor
• Exes

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Quotes to Explore

• I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too.

  

  Wanda Sykes
  • Family
  • Pretty
  • Funny

• I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.

  

  P. J. O'Rourke
  • Home
  • Guy
  • Pretty

• It may sound funny, but it's true: I tried to put myself through the 12-step program. I didn't want to attend a real meeting; my role didn't really require that, and I feel those meetings are sort of sacred, and they're anonymous for a reason. I tried to deal with some of my love of snacks - and I relapsed a lot.

  

  Octavia Spencer
  • True
  • Funny
  • Feel

• Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

  

  H. L. Mencken
  • American
  • Funny
  • Nobody

• I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.

  

  Edith Sitwell
  • Funny
  • Wish
  • Government

• I don't think arrested-adolescent humor will fade. Maybe the form will change, but I guarantee its replacement will still be based in immature behavior from mature figures.

  

  Adam McKay
  • Think
  • Change
  • Humor

• Whenever I'm in the U.K., people say I have an American accent. Which is, obviously, funny.

  

  Anton Zaslavski
  • People
  • American
  • Funny

• People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

  

  Isaac Asimov
  • People
  • Great
  • Funny

• It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.'

  

  Garrett Hedlund
  • Long
  • Women
  • Kids

• My dad is a really funny guy, and we would make jokes about my leukemia. When my friends would come over, we would joke about it, too.

  

  Vanessa Bayer
  • Friends
  • Guy
  • Funny

• People are going to label you anyway, but the one that bugs me the most is when they say, 'One of the funniest female comedians.' There's s no 'funniest male comedians.' You're either a funny comedian, or you're not!

  

  Wanda Sykes
  • People
  • Funny
  • Comedian

• Pinochet and Barack Obama both have the same primary goal, and that's to be president and stay president as long as allowed.

  

  Viggo Mortensen
  • Long
  • Goal
  • President

• Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

  

  Abraham Lincoln
  • Funny
  • See
  • Others

• Humor can be an incredible lacerating and effective weapon. And that is the way I use it.

  

  Carl Hiaasen
  • Way
  • Humor
  • Incredible

• Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate.

  

  P. J. O'Rourke
  • Funny
  • Situation
  • Saying

• If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

  

  Abraham Lincoln
  • Funny
  • Would
  • Wearing

• I like children - fried.

  

  W. C. Fields
  • Children
  • Funny
  • Like

• Jack Black is so funny! On and off screen, like, he would make you laugh every day. He's hilarious.

  

  Caitlin Hale
  • Black
  • Funny
  • Day

• You can't teach someone to be funny, but you can teach comic timing. If you listen to a good comic, you can learn how to put it on a page.

  

  Christopher Moore
  • Good
  • Funny

• When societies go backwards and slide into authoritarianism, nationalism, and tribalism, machismo and sexism are also emboldened.

  

  Elif Safak

• The Middle East is literally going up in flames, as is California, and Katrina's problems haven't been solved, and Congress' response is to criticize Federal judges.

  

  Alcee Hastings
  • Up
  • California

• It was going to be a long, dark night but not quite as dark as it was in the abyss of his heart where there was nothing but hollowness, yet it felt heavy, almost as if someone still resided there.

  

  Faraaz Kazi
  • Long
  • Heart
  • Night

• Slavery is the most insane thing... I don't know that we've ever seen in history, but it's got to be close. The idea of slavery is such a base impulse. It's like, "I'm going to kidnap you and then you're going to do everything I want." Like, what? And then there's the historical aspect. It had a huge effect on human history.

  

  Neal Brennan
  • History
  • Slavery
  • Effect

• Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority!

  

  William Howard Taft
  • Funny
  • President
  • Humor