Jokes Quotes
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Taking a call girl to an STD fair... there's a joke here.
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I am a crazy online shopper. My husband always jokes, Another box arrived! Airplanes used to be my sanctuary for reading books, but now I have to peruse Gilt sales.
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My act's not heavy on pop culture or stories, just lots of jokes.
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Once you do a joke and it works it's only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.
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There have always been jokes all over our songs; I originally started writing lyrics to make my friends crack a smile, which is difficult.
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There has to be irony, both in design and in the objects. I see around me a professional disease of taking everything too seriously. One of my secrets is to joke all the time
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When we hear jokes against women, and we are asked why we don't laugh at them, the answer is easy, simple, and short. Of course we're not laughing . . . . Nobody laughs at the sight of their own blood.
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Of course my jokes are in poor taste, inappropriate, and confused; they reveal my lack of security. But that is because I have no respect for myself.
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I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.
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Remember how I found you there alone in your electric chair, I told you dirty jokes until you smiled.
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Because, as we are told—a sad old joke, too— Ghosts, like the ladies, never speak till spoke to.
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A satirist is someone who has a very skeptical view of human nature, but who still has the optimism to make some sort of a joke out of it. However brutal that joke might be.
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I often joke that 100 years from now I hope people are saying, 'Dang, she looks good for her age!'
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I always have my setlist planned out, but the best moments are when the energy of the crowd just gets your mind working and you are able to come up with new tags for jokes and just riff off things in the room.
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I'll be the first to admit it, the life I'm leading is basically a joke. I should probably be cooler about it, but I can't fake it, you know?
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I don't think any of us felt like, "Oh, we need to put joke songs on the record." If we found something funny, we would record it, and if we wanted to, we'd put it on the record. It's not really something we spent too much time agonizing over.
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Bill Clinton was doing Ku Klux Klan grand kleagel jokes at Byrd's funeral, saying, Oh, Robert C. Byrd, he used the - he was the grand kleagel. He just did what he had to do.
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You might like it as a joke or because you liked it then, but there isn't a whole new generation discovering Wham!.
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I'm called an oral historian, which is something of a joke. Oral history was here long before the pen, long before Gutenberg and the printing press. The difference is I have a tape recorder in my hand.
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If you let go of fart jokes, you've let go of a piece of humanity.
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I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.
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I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.
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I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.
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I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'
