Jokes Quotes
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There is a joke that your hammer will always find nails to hit. I find that perfectly acceptable
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Bill Clinton was doing Ku Klux Klan grand kleagel jokes at Byrd's funeral, saying, Oh, Robert C. Byrd, he used the - he was the grand kleagel. He just did what he had to do.
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I did a 'Last Comic Standing' audition in 2006, where you're just performing for three people in a comedy club, in a big comedy club, and I remember them cutting me off, asking about my name in the middle of one of my jokes. Yeah, it's just real weird when you're doing stand-up in that type of sterile, unnatural setting.
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I'm called an oral historian, which is something of a joke. Oral history was here long before the pen, long before Gutenberg and the printing press. The difference is I have a tape recorder in my hand.
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My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically.
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I am a crazy online shopper. My husband always jokes, Another box arrived! Airplanes used to be my sanctuary for reading books, but now I have to peruse Gilt sales.
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I often joke that 100 years from now I hope people are saying, 'Dang, she looks good for her age!'
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My act's not heavy on pop culture or stories, just lots of jokes.
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The last man that makes a joke owns it.
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There has to be irony, both in design and in the objects. I see around me a professional disease of taking everything too seriously. One of my secrets is to joke all the time
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I'll be the first to admit it, the life I'm leading is basically a joke. I should probably be cooler about it, but I can't fake it, you know?
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A satirist is someone who has a very skeptical view of human nature, but who still has the optimism to make some sort of a joke out of it. However brutal that joke might be.
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I always have my setlist planned out, but the best moments are when the energy of the crowd just gets your mind working and you are able to come up with new tags for jokes and just riff off things in the room.
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Of course my jokes are in poor taste, inappropriate, and confused; they reveal my lack of security. But that is because I have no respect for myself.
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Taking a call girl to an STD fair... there's a joke here.
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I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.
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Too many lives go up in smoke - It's nice to laugh but don't be the joke.
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There have always been jokes all over our songs; I originally started writing lyrics to make my friends crack a smile, which is difficult.
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Remember how I found you there alone in your electric chair, I told you dirty jokes until you smiled.
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Because, as we are told—a sad old joke, too— Ghosts, like the ladies, never speak till spoke to.
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I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.
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I don't think any of us felt like, "Oh, we need to put joke songs on the record." If we found something funny, we would record it, and if we wanted to, we'd put it on the record. It's not really something we spent too much time agonizing over.
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Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them.
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Everything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself.
