Jokes Quotes
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I was very shy as a kid but when I found out I could perform and have people's attention everything changed for me. My mom likes to joke that until I was eight or nine I only knew what my sneakers looked like because I constantly walked around with my head down. But all of a sudden the stage made sense and that's what brought me out of my shell and a monster was created.
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Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.
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Anybody can make jokes. But unless they come from conviction, and there's truth in them, you haven't nailed it. They aren't as funny as they could be, and they don't make a point.
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I'm really bad with jokes. I would have to say Limp Bizkit.
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All the jokes in my films, the comedy, they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us.
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The joke is that U2's new record only looked like a virus. Enjoy mining bitcoins for me losers.
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Life is a joke that's just begun.
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People have a comic bent or an angularity to their thinking, and those are the people who make jokes. And it's usually people who were in an environment, when they were young, where jokes were at a premium, or at least considered important to a life. My parents always listened to the comedy radio shows, we went to the comedy movies, and my parents appreciated comedy. So kids listen and follow what their parents like.
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Passengers don't like changing planes. That means waiting time, stress, running around. There's a joke that the hub principle is supposed to have been invented by cargo firms. The baggage doesn't care where and how it's pushed around.
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I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.
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My friends joke that I’m dead until I get onstage. I’m dead right now as you’re speaking to me.
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I think it gets uncomfortable when you try to act like you didn't just tell a joke that bombed.
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'Master Blaster,' by Stevie Wonder, is up-tempo and fun, like Stevie himself. Stevie's always making jokes; he really knows how to put people at ease. He's one of my inspirations, as a musician and a person.
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There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke.
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Then when we did the untitled record, we just didn't feel like putting joke stuff on it, so we didn't. It wasn't really a deliberation or a real introspective thing like, "Are we going to joke on this one, are we not going to joke on this one?" We just didn't feel like it on the untitled one, so we didn't.
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There were many times when I kept silent about being Jewish as I got older, when Jewish jokes were told.
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I never ceased to be surprised when southern whites, at their homes or clubs, told racial jokes and spoke so derogatorily of blacks while longtime servants, for whom they quite clearly had some affection, were well within earshot.
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There is a joke that your hammer will always find nails to hit. I find that perfectly acceptable
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One nice thing about making jokes is that you don't have to prove them.
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I do like rude jokes. They're men jokes.
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We actually talked about Adam Sandler during the creation of 'Trolls,' because he does know how to time jokes.
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I did a 'Last Comic Standing' audition in 2006, where you're just performing for three people in a comedy club, in a big comedy club, and I remember them cutting me off, asking about my name in the middle of one of my jokes. Yeah, it's just real weird when you're doing stand-up in that type of sterile, unnatural setting.
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There are always a lot of jokes and good vibes floating through the studio so tattooing all day doesn't feel like a job. It's rewarding to see my clients as excited as I am.
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My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically.
