Jokes Quotes
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I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring.
Howard Stern
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I live right next to a grocery store and I don't know if it's the bachelor in me, but I just go in and shop for what I need for the day. I'm an idiot because I don't shop for the whole week. The check out clerks always crack jokes about the fact that I'm in there sometimes twice a day.
Sean William Scott
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
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I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.
Drew Carey
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The older you get, the funnier fart jokes are.
Andy Samberg
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I never told a joke in my life.
Andy Kaufman
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You can make a movie that's more focused on the jokes, but Young Adult was not that kind of movie.
Kristen Stewart
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Like everyone is either, "I grew up with it," or "I loved it," or loved them now. And when you watch The Muppet Movie now, it is so current. It's like The Simpsons before The Simpsons. It's not as cynical as The Simpsons would be but it's self-aware and there are a billion jokes, it breaks the fourth wall every five minutes, it's astounding, it's awesome. It's very exciting to be a part of that.
Nicholas Stoller
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Hahaha, bitch you got jokes!
BeBe Zahara Benet
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When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt - for obvious reasons - that nothing in my life went right, and I realized that millions of people felt the same way. So when I first cameback my catch phrase was "nothing goes right." Early on, that was my setup for a lot of jokes.
Jack Roy
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I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.
Jim Gaffigan
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I like things that are immature and offbeat and bizarre. Random jokes. Weird stuff. And stupid. Stupid is the highest compliment a person can pay to me.
Andy Samberg
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If you're from New Jersey, let people make all those bad jokes about our state. Don't let anyone know how great it is here. It's the best kept secret.
Jon Bon Jovi
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And I watch all the dailies and I grade the jokes or the moments, you know, on a scale from... so I know exactly what we have. And so I can then go into the editing room and be like "I want you to do this moment, this moment, this joke, that joke. I'd like to see 3 versions."
Nicholas Stoller
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Were it not for my little jokes, I could not bear the burdens of this office.
Abraham Lincoln
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I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what's bugging me.
Bill Burr
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Ricky Gervais has jokes about people with disabilities, but do I think that's a healthy thing? Yes, I really do, because he's chosen his targets very carefully, and he's thought about what he's doing.
Ben Miller
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My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,'
Carol Leifer
