Funny Quotes

• He's a serious mister Shake his hand and he'll twist your arm. With Monopoly money We'll be buying the funny farm. So I'll do flips, and get paid in chips From a diamond as big as the Ritz - Then I'm calling it quits.

  

  Aimee Mann
  • Money
  • Hand
  • Serious

• I mean it's funny, playing music, how of course you want it to do well, you want them to like it, but it's not competitive like an election, it's the Olympics, it's not a Formula 1 race. The Billboard charts are just to show you what people like.

  

  Eddie Van Halen Van Halen
  • People
  • Music
  • Election

• Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

  

  Flip Wilson
  • Time
  • Good
  • Black

• 'Smokey and the Bandit' is tough and funny.

  

  Jay Chandrasekhar
  • Funny

• But it was this tough little character part that I was playing, a very funny little guy that I invented over a weekend, because I realized I was not contributing to the humor of this thing. And I had to do something.

  

  Dabney Coleman
  • Character
  • Guy
  • Humor

• With rap, it's a funny thing. You can say things, and people can take 'em the way they wanna take 'em.

  

  Young Jeezy
  • People
  • Funny
  • Rap

• Stories in families are colossally important. Every family has stories: some funny, some proud, some embarrassing, some shameful. Knowing them is proof of belonging to the family.

  

  Salman Rushdie
  • Important
  • Family
  • Proud

• It's a funny thing: people often ask how I discipline myself to write. I can't begin to understand the question. For me, the discipline is turning off the computer and leaving my desk to do something else.

  

  Barbara Kingsolver
  • People
  • Question
  • Myself

• If you're public speaking, imagine yourself feeling confident; if you're nervous about a date and thinking, 'I'm gonna be a dork,' picture yourself being funny. Then it will be familiar to your brain.

  

  Lindsey Stirling
  • Thinking
  • Feeling
  • Brain

• Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, "Is someone sitting there?" just say, "No one except the Lord." Carol Leifer

  

  Carol Leifer
  • Great
  • Travel
  • Lord

• I don't hate humanity and I'm not interested in people who do. Although, it's funny, actually, some of my favorite writers really do. Like Martin Amis. My dirty secret. 'London Fields' is one of my favorite books ever. And it's indefensible! But he's so funny... I forgive him everything.

  

  Elizabeth Gilbert
  • People
  • Hate
  • Humanity

• Things can be funny when people are uneasy. It softens them up and stops them falling asleep on the sofa. I like those moments where people half-smile and half-wince.

  

  Mark Haddon
  • People
  • Up
  • Moments

• It's hysterical how kids have their own personalities, even at like 3 or 4. And, it's funny what they tend to like.

  

  Khloe Kardashian
  • Kids
  • Funny

• I used to say, 'Man, I think I'd be a really good dad. I'll be a great provider. I'm funny; I'll go on trips with them - I'll do all sorts of stuff.' But the momming? I'm not made for that. I have a really good mom; I know what she put into it.

  

  Elizabeth Gilbert
  • Good
  • Great
  • She

• It is one thing to go on stage and be funny or be in a good place in your career, but for a woman, actually facing the elements in a physical way is a very powerful thing.

  

  Pamela Stephenson
  • Good
  • Career
  • Powerful

• My ideal prom date would have to be cute, funny, sweet, nice.

  

  Kendall Jenner
  • Nice
  • Sweet
  • Cute

• There's something funny about being on a big stage and not making a big effort to fill it up.

  

  Jemaine Clement
  • Funny
  • Stage
  • Fill

• Some people can do things and get away with it. Comics are famously like that. Why is it that some guys can say the most horrible things and it's not offensive, it's funny?

  

  Christopher Walken
  • People
  • Why
  • Funny

• A lot of times girls think they're funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.

  

  Amy Sedaris
  • Time
  • Pretty
  • Ugly

• Humour has to have a huge nugget of truth to be funny. You cannot laugh at something unbelievable. Whenever I say something on a lighter note, I am basically unwrapping the truth from a different perspective, and that makes it funny.

  

  Twinkle Khanna
  • Different
  • Truth
  • Perspective

• Losing streaks are funny. If you lose at the beginning you got off to a bad start. If you lose in the middle of the season, you're in a slump. If you lose at the end, you're choking.

  

  Gene Mauch
  • Bad
  • Funny
  • Beginning

• I'd rather try and cram in another two gags than leave a pause to say, 'Hey, wasn't that bit funny?'

  

  Edgar Wright
  • Funny
  • Try
  • Pause

• Look at the people who are kind of the funniest cultures, they're the cultures of the people who have been the most oppressed, black people and Jews. Not that they're the only funny people, but culturally, it comes from the pain, you know?

  

  Sarah Silverman
  • People
  • Black
  • Culture

• I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

  

  Frank Carson
  • Funny

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