Funny Quotes
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I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking.
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I try to sign for as many kids as possible. Kids come first, and I'll always sign for a kid before an adult. It's funny, because I was never big into autographs as a kid. The only player who I ever wanted an autograph from was Dave Winfield.
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Give me a guitar and I'll play; give me a stage and I'll perform; give me an auditorium and I'll fill it.
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Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
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Good sex is impossible to write about. Lawrence and Updike have given it their all, and the result is still uneasy and unsure. It may be that good sex is something fiction just can't do - like dreams. Most of the sex in my novels is absolutely disastrous. Sex can be funny, but not very sexy.
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She was pretty and you never expected a pretty woman to be that funny. She didn't care that she was pretty.
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I think there's a notion in our society, and it may be valid, that people aren't as funny when they get older. It's a stigma still attached to the rebelliousness of youth.
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Whoever has not experienced the pleasure of taking a young lady to her first game of ball should seize the first opportunity to do so. Her remarks about plays, her opinions of different players and the umpire, and the questions she will ask concerning the game, are all too funny to be missed.
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In a man, I like funny guys. A guy who doesn't have a lot of therapy, who's mature. A man, not a boy.
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You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.
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I want to be scary, boring, philosophical, funny, touching.
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I really loved what I was doing being creative and being funny as a stand-up comedian.
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Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'
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As a child, I'd always liked cowboys and Indians stories where there were two layers - gruesome in the foreground but funny in the background.
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Moral indignation in most cases is, 2% moral, 48% indignation, and 50% envy.
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Life is funny and it is interesting how we make it as serious as possible.
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My dad was a really funny, really talented guy who had a great success in a limited audience. But from him, I learned that he always felt the audience was entitled to 150 per cent. If he was performing at an event, he'd keep playing until the last person had finished dancing.
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There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off.
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A family film is a very particular and explicit form. Family films typically include adult principles that are moral, but they should be as intelligent, funny, and intriguing as any other film.
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I really wanted to just be a musician. I didn't want to be anything else, but I was funny and all that.
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Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.
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Cable is a great medium. It's something I respond to. I'm not doing sitcoms. People don't find me funny. That's just the way it is.
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Steve Martin is one of the most intelligent, well-read human beings that I've ever come across. He is equally as funny off screen as he is on. But he also has a very intellectual side, and he's a really nice human being. We actually become good friends.
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Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
