Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?
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Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.
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Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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Phrases and their actual meanings: My teacher has never liked me. Expect a phone call before lunch from the teacher informing you that your child has been launching hot dogs by compressing them inside a small Thermos and then removing the lid quickly.
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I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone else loved it. Or eat a fried egg with a broken yolk (which I hate) when the dog would leap over the St. Louis Arch for it.
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Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
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My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
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... it's simply wrong to always order [kids] to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting.
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For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process.
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There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.