Humor Quotes
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There is a grim and ghastly humor -- the humor that is born of a pathetic philosophy -- which now and then strikes me in reading the bright and keen-witted work of our American paragraphers. It is a humor that may be crystallized by hunger and sorrow and tears. It is not found elsewhere as it is in America. It is out of the question in England, because an Englishman cannot poke fun at himself. He cannot joke about an empty flour-barrel. We can: especially if by doing it we may swap the joke for another barrel of flour. We can never be a nation of snobs so long as we are willing to poke fun at ourselves.
Edgar Wilson Nye
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I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it."
Jim Gaffigan
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I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.
Chic Murray
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Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.
Edgar Fiedler
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There is someone warming up in the Giants' bullpen, but he's obscured by his number.
Jerry Coleman
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It's odd how violence and humor so often go together, isn't it?
Dan Simmons
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The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five.
Jerry Coleman
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Nothing is better than the unintended humor of reality.
Steve Allen
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Seriousness is the refuge of the shallow. There are events and personal experiences that call forth seriousness but they are fewer than most of us think.
Rita Mae Brown
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This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. When his mother lifted him up to feed him, his father rented the pram out. Then, when they came into money later, his mother hired a woman to push the pram - and he's been pushed for money ever since.
Chic Murray
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There is nothing better than humor to keep a marriage going.
Gloria Estefan Miami Sound Machine
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I think that villains who are just brawn, muscles and weapons are boring. So I always try to find intelligence in my villains and also a sense of humor whenever that is possible.
Renny Harlin
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You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge.
Joanne Rowling
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Conservative humor is frankly harder than liberal humor. You get points for just being liberal. You can get more points if you make fun of your own side sometimes.
Ted Rall
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On the mound is Randy Jones, the left-hander with the Karl Marx hairdo.
Jerry Coleman
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Work hard, don't quit, be appreciative, be thankful, be grateful, be respectful, also to never whine ever, never complain, and, always, for crying out loud, keep a sense of humor.
Michael Keaton
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Everybody felt his superiority, but nobody felt oppressed by it. Though he had no illusions about people and human affairs, he was full of kindness toward everybody and everything. Never did he give the impression of domineering, always of serving and helping. He was extremely conscientious, without allowing anything to assume undue importance; a subtle humor guarded him, which was reflected in his eyes and in his smile.
Albert Einstein
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Humor has become so cliche and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable.
Tom DeLonge Blink-182
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Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.
Erma Bombeck
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I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. "Is it Scotch?", I asked. "Why?" the butcher said in reply. "Are you going to talk to it or eat it?". "In that case, have you got any wild duck?". "No", he responded, "but I've got one I could aggravate for you."
Chic Murray
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Don't let your mind stop you from having a good time.
Jason Mraz
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I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation.
W. Somerset Maugham
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Stephen King has inspired me with his humor and honesty, and his admonition that the author's job is to tell the truth.
Barry Eisler
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I just am a snob when it comes to humor.
Courteney Cox