Funny Quotes
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My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.
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Never confuse movement with action.
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We're blessed on 'How I Met Your Mother' to feel like we're doing a bit of a funny playlet everyday.
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I always find it funny when I watch actors talking about, 'I chose to do this part.' A lot of times it's 'you're lucky to get the job.' We're like, 'Thank you so much.'
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One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.
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Sometimes I'll look back at old pictures where I'm a little heavy and dressed funny and think, 'How did I get chicks all the time?'
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I think human beings are funny, tricky things.
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I was a very quiet child growing up. I always knew that I was funny - I just never put it to use.
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We want to ascribe a kind of tragic grimness to people, but people are funny.
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...it's just another one of those things I don't understand: everyone impresses upon you how unique you are, encouraging you to cultivate your individuality while at the same time trying to squish you and everyone else into the same ridiculous mould. It's an artist's right to rebel against the world's stupidity
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Often, when people don't do so well in a monologue at UCB, it's because they're racking their brain so hard to be funny that they're just not honest and don't just tell a true story, which is what we want.
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Almost anything can be funny if said the right way - but it has to be said the right way.
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The drawings in 'Portal' were actually me scribbling that stuff... I had a funny moment when I realized that someone gotten 'The cake is a lie' tattooed on themselves. It was really interesting to see my handwriting tattooed on another human being. That... that's odd.
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I don't want to be the one to break it to you, but the future ain't that funny.
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In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their pasta puttanesca. By the time the tiramisu arrives, they've slid under the table.
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You know what's funny? I don't ever feel the need to escape. I have a strong marriage. I like my life. You hear about these guys having midlife crises - I don't see that happening to me.
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Every band should study Queen at Live Aid. If you really feel like that barrier is gone, you become Freddie Mercury. I consider him the greatest frontman of all time. Like, it's funny? You'd imagine that Freddie was more than human, but... You know how he controlled Wembley Stadium at Live Aid in 1985? He stood up there and did his vocal warm ups with the audience. Something that intimate, where they realize, 'Oh yeah, he's just a f***ing dude.'
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We British say "to put the world to rights." I've discovered that that's not the way Americans say it and people scratch their heads and say, "Funny... what does he mean by that?" It means to fix the thing, to make it all better again.
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Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are in business. Yes, and that is also true if you are a housewife, architect or engineer.
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Comedy is funny when it comes from truth, and that's always the rule of them. It's about how far you can push that boundary.
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Regardless of how funny I want to be, I don't ever have a problem speaking from my heart or speaking honestly to people.
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I'm an ocean, because I'm really deep. If you search deep enough you can find rare exotic treasures.
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You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners.
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My hair has never been my greatest feature, so that was funny enough unto itself that my hair became so focused on.
