Funny Quotes
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Get out the rye bread and mustard grandma, cause it's GRAND SALAMI TIME!
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This will sound funny coming out of my mouth, but I like to play characters that have an intelligence. It doesn't matter if it's a physical intelligence or emotional intelligence.
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I fell into conversation with Douglas. His is a split personality. À deux he is delightful; clever, funny, observant, drily cynical. But get him anywhere near 'display mode', particularly if there are officials around, and he might as well have a corncob up his arse. Pompous, trite, high-sounding, cautiously guarded.
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I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit.
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There may be something good in silence. It's a brand new thing. You can hear the funniest little discussions, if you keep turning the volume down. Shut yourself up, and listen out loud.
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I'm really getting into acting and TV. 'Sports Illustrated' is a big, iconic brand I'd like to work for, too. But TV and acting is really funny and a bit more exciting than shooting all the time.
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I went from basically filming in my bedroom by myself, filming some funny videos, and then overnight, I switched into filming in some studios and some warehouses and family homes. I started filming with directors and producers and editors, and there were so many people in the room, so it was definitely weird.
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The funny thing about having all this so-called success is that behind it is a certain horrible emptiness.
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It's sort of an action flick. You can't be that funny trying to steal diamonds.
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I like having a beard. What's funny is when you shave a beard, you realize how freezing cold your face is! The primary purpose evolution-wise is to keep you warm, to grow hair on your face. You shave it off, and your face is freezing for a few days.
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I giggle when I put myself down. It's just funny to me.
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I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
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You know what so funny, this strike has been going on for a long time. It's lasted longer than the Civil Rights movement, what the hell is this? It's painfully obvious to me white people don't know how to protest. You need like an Al Sharpton, have a dream, go to the mountaintop, do something!
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I didn't grow up thinking I was pretty; there was always a prettier girl than me. So I learned to be smart and tried to be funny and develop the inside of me, because I felt like that's what I had.
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I found that I could write two kinds of short stories: I could write very absurd, kind of surrealistic, funny stories; or I could write very dark, realistic - hyper-realistic - stories. I was never happy with that, because I couldn't meld the two.
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I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny.
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I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown.
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You re-watch 'Napoleon Dynamite', and there's a lot of thrift shopping that goes on in that movie; there's a lot of funny stuff. It's definitely amusing, and paying 99 cents for a samurai sword is amazing.
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People who take themselves too seriously, who can't see anything else, are usually funny.
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I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'
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I probably would have gone the M.F.A. route except I was a dad at 19, and it made more sense to go to work for a newspaper and support a kid that way. But the funny thing is, that detour became the most important step in my developing as a novelist.
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And at the time, it is funny how you can look at something and say, for example with my shoulder injury, when it first happened I said this is the worst thing that could happen to me. Why me, why now? Now I look back and say it was probably the best thing that happened to me.
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The human condition can be summed up in a drop of blood. Show me a teaspoon of blood and I will reveal to thee the ineffable nature of the cosmos, naked and squirming. Squirming. Funny how the truth always seems to do that when you shine a light on it.
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Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.
