Sarah Silverman Quotes
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Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.
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I think I've been called edgy - but in all honesty, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot. Unless you're just listening to buzz words and not taking into account the context of the situation, you see I'm always the ignoramus.
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Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!
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I think when you're 25 you're still finding yourself, and you should have the freedom of that.
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You want the actors to disappear into roles and stay under the radar, and that gets harder when someone is known for their actual personality, or who they seem to be.
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We live in a fun time with so many ways to express yourself, you would be crazy to be a comedian and not check them all out.
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I don't really care for like fat jokes about women, specifically.
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I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me.
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I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.
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I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.
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Look at the people who are kind of the funniest cultures, they're the cultures of the people who have been the most oppressed, black people and Jews. Not that they're the only funny people, but culturally, it comes from the pain, you know?
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I started out in clubs, and I've always liked clubs. I like theaters because people are there for the show.
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I think Jews tend to hold me in fairly high regard.
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I had a lot of depression as a kid.
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I dress normal because I want people to treat me regular. And their brains explode. It's really fun.
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If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean.
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As a kid, I was terrified. I was a bed wetter and I had to go to sleepaway camp every summer, which was humiliating and terrifying. I had lots of insecurities and scaredness. I covered it with being funny and tough, but it's hard to be tough when you're making your cot in your bunk over soaking wet sheets and acting like nobody can smell anything.
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Some things are just for private. It's like people thinking I'm cold or this or that. It's unfortunate, but I don't need strangers to know that I'm warm. I don't need strangers to know the real me.
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Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist.
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I still have highs and lows, maybe I don't cry salty tears as much.
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One of the greatest things my therapist said to me ... and it really blew my mind in the greatest way, he just said, "Look in the mirror less."
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I can only speak from my own experience, and I would say that the depression I experienced feels like a chemical change. When it came over me, when it comes over me, it feels like it's coming over me like a flu.
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I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says, "I want pussy!" Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but he was talking about me!
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That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.