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My kids don't have a trust fund, they have a debt fund. And when I die, they're $4 million in the hole.
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When I'm up there, and I know the show's coming to a close, in my head I'm saying to myself, Oh man, you gotta get off and be a normal person again. That's what I don't like so much.
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I choose to ignore hell in my life. When I was a little kid I asked my Dad "Am I going to go to hell?" because I'd heard about hell. And he said, "Nothing you're gonna do will get you into hell." And so I got to ignore it.
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The idea of my kids being spoiled, I go to sleep thinking about it. I wake up thinking about. I'm trying to do the right thing. With the amount of money I have, it's difficult to raise children the way I was raised. But I took away the west and north wing of the house for those guys. So, they're not allowed in there.
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I grew up cursing a lot.
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I wish I was a better athlete. That would have been a little cooler, being a great boxer and walking into a room and going: "I can knock everybody out!" That's a good feeling.
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We just bought this house. It's too big. It's like 400,000 square feet, or something. We got an indoor lake and ski slope in the house! It's just too big.
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I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine.
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I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.
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I'm filthy rich! It's good to be Adam Sandler!
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I'm sure everyone's got their back story. I don't come from a place of where I was tortured and needed to let something out. I came from a very happy home. I was a little out of control at times. But my family... we all liked to be funny, we all liked to make each other laugh.
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Put on your yarmulkahHere comes HannukahSo much funnukahTo celebrate Hannukah
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He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?
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I've always wanted to do a family movie.
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Having a kid is great... as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or speaking.
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I still like doing stand-up now, but it's not the same. It used to be that I was out there with five other comedians. Now I usually just do it alone.
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Kids end up seeing my movies anyway but some of the mothers get mad at me so I figured I'd make one that I can't get yelled at for.
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I've got the kid. I feel a little more relief that I don't have to just think about myself too much.
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My grandmother used to embarrass me more, when she would pick me up from school wearing a big fuzzy hat. I didn't like that.
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I read to my kid, but I can't stand reading.
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Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!
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Sometimes you can't prioritise family and you feel guilty.
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So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when youve had too much to drink. Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.
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I prefer musicals, because I am the best dancer who ever lived. The best plies, the best sashays, and by far the best-smelling Capezios.