Funny Quotes
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My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.
Chic Murray
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When I was one day old, I learned how to read. When I was two days old, I started to write. By the time I was three, I had finished 212 short stories, 38 novels, 730 poems, and one very funny limerick, all before breakfast.
Jon Scieszka
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I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.
Molly Ivins
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If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.
Don Rickles
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Busy yourselves with this, you damned walruses, while the rest of use proceed with the libretto.
John Barrymore
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Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery." I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.
Zach Galifianakis
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That's what people forget about, is that when things are very, very powerful in a sad way, they have that possibility of also being over-the-top, hysterically funny.
Joel Grey
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I think that I identify with Philadelphia for a lot of reasons. Without even thinking about it, I called myself 'Philly's Constant Hitmaker' when I first got a MySpace, before I had any real hits. It was kind of just a funny slogan, basically lifted from the Rolling Stones' first album, 'England's Newest Hit Makers.'
Kurt Vile
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If possible, be funny.
Blake Bailey
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It's funny... you can make fun of AIDS or Haiti, but if you make fun of some starlet in Hollywood's looks? That's like the one thing... the line you are not to cross.
Daniel Tosh
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History often reads as a hard and grim experience. But people are remarkably resilient and funny, even when the going is very hard.
Jim Murphy
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I think the problems with comedians that are political, and there are some brilliant ones, are the ones that offer no solutions. Not that there's a moral obligation for a comic to fix things, but I like to see a comic that's upset about something and offer a solution. It can be a funny solution. I like to see the thought process.
Kyle Kinane
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To go from working with a group of people in a sketch-comedy show on a small network, where it was all about just creating funny stuff, to being on a network show, and the pressures of that, and getting to know the new people who were involved in it. There was a learning curve for me. But it was an education.
Ken Marino
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It's funny - some producers ask me, 'Man, how do you work on a Bieber record? That would kill my career.' I can work on any record there is as long as they are good records and you're pushing things forward.
Diplo
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I want to be scary, boring, philosophical, funny, touching.
Bill Pullman
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When I say, 'I can't stay long, I'm in-between meals,' that plays differently on the radio than it does in person. So I have to pick material that works because the words are funny, not just because of the images.
Louie Anderson
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The funny thing is, I'm so used to not caring what anyone says, good or bad, that unfortunately even when people say good things I wish it made me feel good, but it doesn't.
Rob Zombie
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It's a funny word, persistence. It means not giving up, but it also means just passing on through time.
Questlove
