Funny Quotes
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It's funny because there's a part of me that, if something is popular, I sort of become a defiant teenager about it. Like, 'Oh, I'm not gonna like that because everybody likes it.'
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If facts weren't funny, or scary, or couldn't make you rich, the heck with them.
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Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.
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After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.
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They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that.
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I'm not funny in person. I mean I'm really not. I'm one of those people who always screw up anecdotes.
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It's funny how the hippies and the punks tried to get rid of the conservatives, but they always seem to get the upper hand in the end.
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Earl was laughing about it by then. He thought it was funny.
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I lot of people remember when that kid spray-painted my brand new Porsche for Punk'd. That was pretty funny. He got me pretty good. Of course, most people don't know I eventually got him back with my own show. I call it a show, really it's just an hour-long video shot in my bedroom featuring the two of us.
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There's so many other talented women of color who write funny things every day, and I want them to be recognized, I want them to have a seat at the table because we're out here.
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For you to be successful, sacrifices must be made. It's better that they are made by others but failing that, you'll have to make them yourself.
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I might be trying to change the world, but I also better be funny while I'm doing it. I've never lost sight of that.
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A great way to learn about your country is to leave it.
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It's off the leg and into the left field of Doug Rader.
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Billy Almon has all of his in-laws and outlaws here this afternoon.
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The game in St. Louis has been halted in the fourth inning because of rain. I'll bet they have the jacuzzis going there.
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It seemed funny that the sunset she saw from her patio and the one I saw from the back steps was the same one. Maybe the two worlds we lived in weren’t so different. We saw the same sunset.
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My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.
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I only have three scenes and each is a turn and she gets progressively drunker. It's all terribly funny and its main challenge is that it's so far away from what I usually do.
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There is no such thing as an ugly woman.
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I always remember loving 'Even Stevens' - that show was so brilliant and funny and smart.
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I actually looked up in my journal trying to figure out some dates and, in January 1991, America is about to go back into its first sort of actual war since Vietnam, with the Gulf War. It just seemed unbelievable at the time that this country would do that - which is funny to think about now.
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The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.
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But as far as being popular, yeah, I think Dave Barry is really funny.
