Funny Quotes
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Don't call 'em dogs. Dogs are loyal and they run after balls.
Louise Brown
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Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics.
Chris Rock
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I was attracted to people who were funny because I wanted to be in that world.
Anne Beatts
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I loved 'Funny Lady' for whatever reason. People say they didn't know I could sing and dance. Well, nobody ever asks me - it's always, 'Punch this guy.'
James Caan
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I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."
Jim Gaffigan
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I honestly love any good chick flick, as long as it's a good movie or pretty funny. 'Love Actually' is a no-brainer.
Matt McGorry
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Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, "Hey Jim, how ya do-" "I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!" "That's great, what was it about?" "No idea! Took me three years!"
Jim Gaffigan
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Iverson: Man look, I hear you... it's funny to me too, I mean it's strange... it's strange to me too, but we're talking about practice man, we're not even talking about the game... the actual game, when it matters... We're talking about practice ...
Allen Iverson
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Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.
Ernest Hemingway
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My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.
Chic Murray
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Do I like being thought of as attractive? I don't know anyone on Earth who doesn't, but I do find it funny.
Benedict Cumberbatch
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Lou Holtz, I was also a huge fan of. He was really funny. I think that's a big part of why I was attracted to the Razorbacks: I thought Lou Holtz was really funny. He is really funny. Too bad he's a born-again, or whatever.
Matt Besser
