Funny Quotes
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Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."
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I never thought I was funny. I don't THINK funny.
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It's funny because as much as I've done Dr. Freeman, I guess because I shave right afterwards, people don't recognize me necessarily as Dr. Freeman, whereas a small role like 'Garden State' or 'Get Him to the Greek', which is the funniest one to me, they're like, 'Hey, you're that dude!' and you're like, 'Oh my God!' Which is awesome.
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I'm not funny in person. I mean I'm really not. I'm one of those people who always screw up anecdotes.
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The European drivers have adapted to this circuit extremely quickly, especially Paul Radisich who's a New Zealander.
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My mental hands were empty, and I felt I must do something as a counterirritant or antibody to my hysterical alarm at getting married at the age of 43.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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It's funny, people talk about the characters they play and who do you sort of see yourself as or which ones maybe were closest to you and in some ways.
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Plant and your spouse plants with you; weed and you weed alone.
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This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. When his mother lifted him up to feed him, his father rented the pram out. Then, when they came into money later, his mother hired a woman to push the pram - and he's been pushed for money ever since.
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How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guy's sitting there, like, "How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water."
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The key to doing 'Harold and Kumar' movies is you make it earnest. Primarily what we do is make Harold and Kumar's relationship and friendship believable, and we don't actually work on being that funny.
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You have to know where the funny is, and if you know where the funny is, you know everything.
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I reach for funny books all the time to help me get through life.
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A great way to learn about your country is to leave it.
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Banjos are funny instruments. They can get pretty irritating.
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Everybody's funny in different ways.
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I got to work with Eli Vargas. Great guy. Huge in Spain. He's a heartthrob there. Who else? Terry Crews - he was really funny.
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Bigots are actually funny to me in the way that people who still wear parachute pants give me a chuckle.
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I remember my guidance counselor, when I told her I wanted to apply to Harvard, she paused and said, 'That's in New York, right?' The funny thing is, I didn't really know. It was a few weeks before I was like, 'No, I think it's in Massachusetts.'
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I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact of the matter is, when you're the youngest of a big family, by the time you're a teenager, your parents are insane. You're like, "Hey, I'm going roller-skating-" "You're not going roller-skating or you'll end up pregnant like your sister. Why don't you smoke pot and become a lawyer?"
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I meditate and I also think about meditation. Which is funny. I think about Maharishi, about just the idea of meditating. It gives me something.
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When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering.
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I think universities are trying to figure out how we could use what we know about learning to change our education system, but it is sort of funny that they don't necessarily seem to be consulting the people who are sitting right there on campus.
