Funny Quotes
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It's funny, the moment you dread the most, seeing yourself bald, is actually not such a bad moment at all.
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A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.
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I think it's harder to go from comedy to drama than from drama to comedy. Seeing you dramatic all the time, they crave to see you being silly or funny. But, seeing you in comedy all the time, it's hard to see that person go be serious, for some reason.
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It's not hard for me to be funny. But it's really hard. I don't think a lot of people are funny. I meet a lot of people, and most of them aren't funny.
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Elections are always a little bit funny. People start saying things and emphasizing differences. After the election, my hope is, is that people start emphasizing what we have in common.
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The ballgame is over...in this inning.
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I find it endlessly interesting, endlessly funny, the fact that we're rather arbitrarily divided up into these discrete humans and that your physical self, your physical attributes, your moment of history and the place where you were born determine who you are as much as all that indefinable stuff that's inside of you.
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That's a funny thing, fame. People definitely do treat you differently. When you begin to be successful, people say, 'Don't go changing.' Well, that's easy to say, but the fact is, you don't change at all - other people do.
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You can't teach someone to be funny, but you can teach comic timing. If you listen to a good comic, you can learn how to put it on a page.
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Humour is the describing the ludicrous as it is in itself; wit is the exposing it, by comparing or contrasting it with something else. Humour is, as it were, the growth of nature and accident; wit is the product of art and fancy.
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It's funny, I'd rather be known as a writer who crafted a really nice piece about women's friendships over time. But that doesn't roll off the tongue like 'YouTube sensation.'
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Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.
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I spent 11 years at 'The Daily Show,' and I learned everything there about how to write funny, how to write funny on topic.
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I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."
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There is no such thing as an ugly woman.
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A man who correctly guesses a woman`s age may be smart, but he's not very bright.
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Earl was laughing about it by then. He thought it was funny.
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A pope going through a faith crisis would be funny to see.
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I lot of people remember when that kid spray-painted my brand new Porsche for Punk'd. That was pretty funny. He got me pretty good. Of course, most people don't know I eventually got him back with my own show. I call it a show, really it's just an hour-long video shot in my bedroom featuring the two of us.
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Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics.
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It's a funny thing about me. I don't have any interest in food most of the time now, although when I was a kid I was always hungry.
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It seemed funny that the sunset she saw from her patio and the one I saw from the back steps was the same one. Maybe the two worlds we lived in weren’t so different. We saw the same sunset.
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The reason I'm writing funny books is that I wish there were more.
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I meditate and I also think about meditation. Which is funny. I think about Maharishi, about just the idea of meditating. It gives me something.
