Funny Quotes
-
Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.
-
I thought, 'Oh that's what happens. You put a song out and everyone likes it.' Well, then a funny thing happened: I started putting more songs out, and none of them did the same thing.
-
In terms of being vulgar, I don't think you need to be violent unless it's slapstick, violence to yourself. That can be funny - we've all tripped and fallen on our faces.
-
I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest.
-
A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.
-
The funny thing is, though I write mysteries, it is the one genre in adult fiction I never read. I read Nancy Drew, of course, when I was a kid, but I think the real appeal is as a writer because I'm drawn to puzzly, complicated plots.
-
That's the funny thing about arriving somewhere, Vin. Once you're there, the only thing you can really do is leave again
-
My writing process is editing. It's taking all the funny thoughts you've had over the last 12 months, and editing out everything that's shit. You're left with an hour and a quarter of funny stuff.
-
I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring.
-
I got up this morning. I like to get up in the morning; it gives me the rest of the day to myself. I crossed the landing and went down stairs. Mind you, if there had been no stairs, I wouldn't even have attempted it.
-
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"
-
It's funny, as you live through something you're not aware of it.
-
My paintings capture the humor, zaniness, and depth of the Batman villains as well as the Freudian motivations of Batman as an all-too-human, venerable, and funny vigilante superhero.
-
I like to rap about things that are funny but mostly things that are relatable. I remember there was this one song with Ja Rule, and I forgot, exactly, but it was with Ashanti, and there's a line in it that was like, 'She hit me up on AIM.' But that wasn't the actual line; it was something else, but I was like, 'Oh my God, he uses AIM!'
-
I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
-
I want to be in 'Funny Girl.' And I want Ryan Murphy to direct it.
-
'Copper' is my first period piece. It's funny because I've been doing a lot of episodes of 'Elementary' with Johnny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu; they keep bringing me back on the show, and so I go from being an outstanding black doctor to being a kind of hood, ex-car thief who went through rehab in 'Elementary.'
-
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
-
I'm a big fan of comedians not having to apologize for anything. Nowadays it seems comedians are always apologizing for being funny.
-
My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
-
I run around my house naked with heels all the time. It's so funny.
-
It's hard for a comic to be joking when your lines can't be funny.
-
There are practical things which contribute to a joke's funniness. People will find a joke funnier if they are sitting closer together, if it's cold, if they've paid and if they are told it's funny beforehand.
-
I haven't watched 'Mad TV' a lot, but I have seen some stuff on there that is truly funny. You have to have some sort of attitude toward the subject, and they seem to have it. It depends on how much blood you want to draw.
