Funny Quotes
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With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny.
Kristen Wiig
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There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey.
Dick Van Dyke
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Every time I do a play, I'm like, 'When do I get to do the one where I wear a gown, sit in a chair, and say funny things?' I'd love to do that.
Elizabeth Marvel
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Do I like being thought of as attractive? I don't know anyone on Earth who doesn't, but I do find it funny.
Benedict Cumberbatch
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The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is that we may listen the more and talk the less.
Zeno of Citium
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A big part of becoming a funny person was a major defense mechanism. Onstage, especially as a woman, I've had to be really tough. The second you show a crack, the audience can literally leave.
Amy Schumer
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It's funny when I read the tabloids and they're reporting on only a fraction of the life I'm leading.
Zach Braff
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The older I get, the more and more I notice I'm like my father. It's funny, because when I was younger I tried to just back away from my father as much as I could, and some of the philosophies, some of the life lessons, some of the beliefs that he had within me are always constantly ongoing, and they're always prevalent in my life, whether it's trying to be every single thing that I can be in my sport or life or relationship or business, whatever avenue I'm pursuing.
Apolo Ohno
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George Lopez is always on the verge of hilarity. If he could ever think of something funny to say, if he had a funny thought in his mind, he's ready to go.
Andy Kindler
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Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, "Hey Jim, how ya do-" "I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!" "That's great, what was it about?" "No idea! Took me three years!"
Jim Gaffigan
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I love films. It's really funny, actually. Like, I see a lot of smaller movies. But a lot of these big, epic films that everyone's like, 'You have to see,' I haven't watched yet.
Anya Taylor-Joy
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One of my best friends growing up was Vietnamese, and he and his mom would teach me how to say certain things so I could impress my nail girls. Then the nail girls would teach me how to count to 100 and basic things like 'Thank you' and 'You're welcome.' It's funny, because any accent that I do now always turns into Vietnamese.
Anjelah Johnson
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Kind of the exhausting thing about doing pure comedy, or something that's broader, is you're kind of a slave to the laugh. If it's not funny, then there's not much point in doing it. The kind of ueber-objective is to make people laugh. You always have to have that in the back of your mind, 'Eh, I've got to figure out a way to make this funny.'
John C. Reilly
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Gene Richards swings, the ball bounces foul and hits him in the head. No harm done.
Jerry Coleman
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It (LSD) opened my eyes. We only use one-tenth of our brain. Just think of what we could accomplish if we could only tap that hidden part! It would mean a whole new world if the politicians would take LSD. There wouldn't be any more war or poverty or famine.
Paul McCartney
The Beatles
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I had the classic 40 meltdown, I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness.
Keanu Reeves
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My strips are not always funny, and they can be pretty grim at times, and I know I lose readers because of it, but I can't do anything about it - my work is very much connected to something I need to do in order to feel stable.
Lynda Barry
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I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety.
Richard Pryor
