Funny Quotes
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I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety.
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I actually can't watch blood and gore and all those things. I watch Netflix shows with my hand over my face, like, peeking out. Which is funny, because I'm on sets all the time, and I know how those effects are done.
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I used to stutter really badly. Everybody thinks it's funny. And it's not funny. It's not.
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The funny part is I feel like somebody is stalking me, like, at my local course and sizing up my game.
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Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like "Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much."
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It's funny that all these goths paint their faces with such white make-up and that is the actual colour of my skin, I am that pale!
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I think universities are trying to figure out how we could use what we know about learning to change our education system, but it is sort of funny that they don't necessarily seem to be consulting the people who are sitting right there on campus.
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A political consultant, when we first started thinking about Senate race, said, "You can have one funny name. You can be 'Barack Smith.' Or you can be 'Joe Obama.' But 'Barack Obama' - that's not gonna work."
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Journalists belong in the gutter because that is where the ruling classes throw their guilty secrets.
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If I was at school and one of my friends said something funny, I'd write it down in a notebook and take it to the writers meetings. I never told my friends about it. I just thought I could incorporate stuff that was true to life.
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Sometimes fake laughing is hard once you've done a scene 18 times. I don't want to brag, but I have a reputation for being very, very good at that. It's funny finding what's challenging about acting as you go.
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Literature has drawn a funny perimeter that other art forms haven't.
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I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I toss one that ain't never been seen by this generation.
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If you play Mark Twain and he's not funny, you are definitely not playing Mark Twain. That was the biggest challenge, in some ways. Writing and performing jokes that can come out of that brilliant delivery system he constructed: the friendly, avuncular truth-teller.
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My mental hands were empty, and I felt I must do something as a counterirritant or antibody to my hysterical alarm at getting married at the age of 43.
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Isn't it funny how we live inside the lies we believe?
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Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon,
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I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep.
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That's why you put out records: hoping that people will connect with them. I mean, I play music for myself, for sure, and I would still play music even if people didn't like it. But it means a lot when it connects to people and they enjoy it. But it's funny: you get criticism as much as you get praise. It kind of evens out after awhile.
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The ballgame is over...in this inning.
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It's funny because as much as I've done Dr. Freeman, I guess because I shave right afterwards, people don't recognize me necessarily as Dr. Freeman, whereas a small role like 'Garden State' or 'Get Him to the Greek', which is the funniest one to me, they're like, 'Hey, you're that dude!' and you're like, 'Oh my God!' Which is awesome.
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In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
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That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't.
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You find out in life that people really like you funny. So what do you give 'em? Humor. And then if you show them the other side, they don't like you as much. I find, too, that I can hide behind the idiot's mask being funny, and you never see the sorrow or the pain.
