Funny Quotes
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I joke around a lot about the manic times because they're funny. We manics do outrageous things and it is part of our colorful nature.
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Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.
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I hated meeting people at bars when I was single because it's all about the looks and the funny line.
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It's funny, I can sit through the worst horror film ever made but even a quite good romantic comedy can drive me nuts.
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My background is all comedy. I've been doing improv since I was 17. It's funny, because when I meet people, I'm known as this guy who will punch you in the face or throw you out a window, when I also have a background in comedy.
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The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a living?" "Well, I don't grow corn. Get up at the crack of noon, make sure there's no corn growing. I'm gonna get up early tomorrow. And not plow. You know, we used to not grow tomatoes-but there's more money in not growing corn."
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The funny thing is, I don't actually think of myself as fat at all. I don't think I am. Not really.
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I don't like speaking publicly when I don't have to be funny.
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When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been in really ghastly taste. I don't think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them.
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It's funny the things the Internet likes to proclaim.
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It's funny: I rarely reference anything, and I'm one of those people that doesn't really spend much time in other people's worlds. I just try and create my own and make it as distinctive as I can.
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It's funny how sometimes how the public some people think I was born like this. That I maybe I sleep and I do big muscle, but its a lot of work to look like this and to be in this kind of condition.
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Being effective at social media, whether for business or personal use, means capturing people who have short attention spans. They're only a click away from a picture of a funny cat, so you have to make your thing more compelling than that cat. And that can be a high bar.
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I saw this sign posted once, it said, "Blasting Zone Ahead." Wow. Shouldn't that read: "Road Closed?" What do you mean there's a blasting zone? What am I supposed to do? "Hey-uh, you might wanna buckle up. Blasting zone coming up. Yeah. Just saw the sign. Put the helmets on back there! Yeah I think we're- (Pow!)- Oh! We're getting close! (Pow!)- Oh! This is gonna be a bad blasting zone! Remember that last one-we lost Billy?"
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It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out.
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'A Bug's Life' is a really funny movie and the characters have such different personalities. The movie is happy and then gets really sad and I'm like, W'hoa, I'm feeling this way and this movie is about bugs!'
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I'm like, bursting. I should be working. I don't want to take a break. It's funny, on set, I don't have to go to the bathroom, I don't have anything wrong, I'm perfectly fine, so through-and-through. I'm not hungry. I'm literally not even in my own body.
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I do like writing. When I was a little kid, I used to love writing funny, silly stories - and my mom would always encourage it. I don't know why I ever stopped!
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Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are
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It's just something that's sort of funny, sort of not.
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My goal, if I was going to do art, fine art, would have been to become Picasso or greater. That always sounds so funny to people, comparing yourself to someone in the past that has done so much, and in your life you’re not even allowed to think that you can do as much. That’s a mentality that suppresses humanity.
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This has been a big incident, hasn't in. In reality, James Anderson was a B-grade bowler who got his arse-whipped by Australia that many times it's not even funny. Frankly I don't care what he has to say but at least he has improved his bowling, thank goodness
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In New York we have streets exploding and innocent Buddhist girls being stabbed in the neck and cabdrivers refusing to help her. If we happen into a nightclub by mistake, when we leave the doorman will be lying in the street surrounded by police.
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Who do I like? I am a big fan of French and Saunders - not that that they are particularly stand-up I have to say, but I think they have been great for women and they are of themselves just incredibly funny whether they are male or female.
