Jim Gaffigan Quotes
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Every morning I hear the alarm, it's like "BEEP BEEP BEEP" For second I'm like, "I could get used to that, just dream I'm in a techno club, or something."
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Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.
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I never went to church when I was in college, either.
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Faith is something that's - it's hard to articulate. It's - there's - it's not based on logic.
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I was always told that Hoosier came from when settlers in the state, when a stranger came on their property they'd say, "Who's there? Who's there?" So people that were from Indiana were the people that said "Who's there?" But what do I know? I don't read or interact with people outside the Internet.
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Some people that work for Hot Pockets came to my Denver Paramount Theater show. They brought these hot pocket boxes the size of suit cases for me to sign. I wrote "these are WMD's" on the boxes. The HP people seem to have a good sense of humor about all of it.
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There are some people who know who I am but there are a lot of people that have no idea who I am - which is not to say that that's a bad thing.
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I definitely write about things that are universal, that everyone can identify with. You're supposed to write about things you're passionate about and I guess I am a foodie. I do love food and it's kind of like I'm an eccentric observationalist guy. To make it kind of universal, I try a lot of different things. When I first started writing this, I was like, 'No food.' Then, you know, it just always goes there.
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I think when my mother died, it was such a - you know, a shock to the logic that I had been raised with.
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I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? "You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins." "You sure?" "Trust me. Just do it son!"
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You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."
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It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"
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I love standup comedians. I really do.
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I think that there's part of me that feels like maybe I should have been more social.
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It's weird, I love acting and stand-up is a very unique, solitary thing where you are the writer, performer and director. But acting is incredibly rewarding, working and interacting with people to create funny moments. I can't imagine not doing acting or stand-up, I really enjoy both of them that much.
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I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules.
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I didn't think that it's something that would happen. I didn't think I would be in the position, emotionally or financially, to be able to do that. But I've been lucky [to have big family].
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I have more pictures of my children than my father ever looked at me.
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I don't think comedians make an active decision to be a certain "persona." Comedians write the way they're going to write.
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My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant.'
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I reached a point in my life where I didn't really like who I was.I was married to an amazing woman. I had children, and yet there was frustration.
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I've been doing theaters like the Warner for about a year and we've found the earlier you get the tickets on sale the better idea you get on how many shows we will be doing.
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It took me a long time to understand not to get caught up in other people's expectations. It really comes down to creative fulfillment. It took me a while to realize I don't want to just be on a show to be on a show.
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I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.