Funny Quotes
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Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times, eat at least 45 chocolate bars, and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that, through a combination of Nutella, old pals and Barbra Streisand, we can achieve happiness and, very probably, world peace.
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I'm always more motivated by the pain of a funny character than by what makes him funny.
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Being funny is a symptom of what's underneath. You're pumping out all that energy because something else is going on inside you, some opposing force, something uncomfortable.
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I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.
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I've been very lucky to work with people I think are funny and who are really awesome human beings.
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I love a smart, well-written show, and '30 Rock,' well, you can't get any better than that. Tina Fey poos funny. There's nothing that she does that isn't funny. That show is an example of how brilliant she is. It's so smart. They've done some brilliant commentary about the 'Housewives' with 'Queen of Jordan,' their show-within-the-show.
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People are getting careers from YouTube and uploading videos. And they're totally different - you can't necessarily be funny on a video, and then all of a sudden you're live in a theater. You don't have the tools yet. It's a lot more involved to go from being funny on a little iPhone screen to being live in front of people and being funny.
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My CIA colleagues were smart, dedicated, funny, and creative. Yes, there was sometimes stifling bureaucracy, boredom, colleagues who never should have been there, and later, deeply disturbing stories of the CIA's involvement in torture. Still, I got to do work I thought was incredibly important and, many times, had fun doing it.
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The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work.
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I am so like Donna it's funny. And most of my friends are guys too.
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What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.
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There have been times when I felt suicidal and I would stop my head from going in that direction of negativity because I thought there'd be something I'd miss that was funny in the future. If there's a chance I'm going to laugh tomorrow then want to live to experience that.
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I remember listening to the radio as a kid and finding that the songs always made me feel more peaceful. Funny, but the more hurtin' the music was, the better it made me feel. I think of that now when I write my songs. I may not be feelin' the blues myself, but I'm writing them for other people who have a hard life.
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I find it really funny that men can always get away with being a ladies man. Everyone thinks it's really cool. But a girl can't really date boys all the time because everybody looks down on her. I think boys get away with things so much easier.
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I didn't understand key signatures or anything, you know. I'd say silly things at the top of a trumpet part like, 'Note, when you play B naturals, make the B naturals a half step lower because they sound funny if they're B naturals.' And some guy said: 'Idiot, just put a flat on the third line and it's a key signature, you know?'
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I've got a bunch of books... I rely on funny books and movies to cheer me up. Oh, but I must say, I do have the world's most perfect husband, so a cuddle from him always cheers me up. He's a good guy.
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You've got to play every game until it's over. Baseball is a funny game, so you never know what's going to happen.
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I did accents and funny voices for the family when I was growing up.
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I think it would be funny for people to read in obituaries of me that my major contribution to the arts was the popularization of the phrases 'neutral facial expression' and 'screaming in agony.'
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People are going to label you anyway, but the one that bugs me the most is when they say, 'One of the funniest female comedians.' There's s no 'funniest male comedians.' You're either a funny comedian, or you're not!
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I come from a time when people like Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby told stories that were devastatingly funny without being off-color.
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It is important to remember when making jokes about women, that they are not a minority. They weren't captured on another continent and brought here in leg-irons (funny shoes, yes, but not leg-irons) and Hitler didn't blame them for Germany's loss in WWI. Therefore, you can make any kind of fun of them you want.
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You can't be a casual observer of something humorous - you have to engage, you have to find it funny for the relationship between actor and audience to work.
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I wake up every day and look at my own ugly mug in the mirror and don't think twice about it. The fact that other people might want to look at me still feels funny. It's flattering, but funny.
