Joke Quotes
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A college joke to cure the dumps.
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In a theatre it happened that a fire started off stage. The clown came out to tell the audience. They thought it was a joke and applauded. He told them again, and they became still more hilarious. This is the way, I suppose, that the world will be destroyed-amid the universal hilarity of wits and wags who think it is all a joke.
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Some people are so dry that you might soak them in a joke for a month and it would not get through their skins.
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There's a running joke among fans that Jack never goes to the bathroom. We had a scene where I was running towards a sign pointing ?BATHROOM' to the left and ?OFFICES' to the right. I did a double-take and ran towards the bathroom! We sent it in to the network, as a joke reel. But, quite frankly, nobody wants to see Jack Bauer go to the bathroom.
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Someone once told me a joke," he said. "I'd like to be a pacifist, but people keep getting in the way.' I made a decision to fight for my friend in prison. It was a deliberate decision. It isn't the only way-it's just something I decided.
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I thought everybody was in on the joke. But I was the joke.
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They have been a joke with regards to the selection. I didn't say that earlier because I thought I'd get sent to Alaska and they don't have a regional there.
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I lived that life for real, so to talk about it was like a joke, you know what I mean?
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Contrary to reports, this boy is not a billionaire or going to be richer than any Beatle - and not just in the sense of money, by the way. The Beatles are untouchable. That’s just a joke.
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Richard Lewis is the master at taking a joke that he's told a million times in a row in the past year, on the road, and making it look like he's pulling it out of thin air.
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The thing that's weird is that we thought it was funny. We expected people to get the joke - that we with Andrew Ridgeley were two guys really making asses of ourselves.
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Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke.
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Seriousness is an accident of time. It consists of putting too high a value on time. In eternity there is no time. Eternity is a moment, just long enough for a joke.
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I don't get the animosity when someone tells a joke that you don't like. Whereas if someone made a dish that you don't like if you went to a restaurant, you would either try another dish or you just don't go back to that restaurant. But you don't say like, "I did not like the hamburger here. This restaurant should be shut down. It should be banned from making hamburgers. No one else should have these hamburgers." And everyone else is like, "No, you wouldn't do that."
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Whether people grow fat by joking, or whether there is something in fat itself which predisposes to a joke, I have never been quite able to determine.
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A true Englishman doesn't joke when he is talking about so serious a thing as a wager.
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At bottom the world isn't a joke. We only joke about it to avoid an issue with someone, to let someone know that we know he's there with his questions; to disarm him by seeming to have heard and done justice to his side of the standing argument.
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The wisest and the best of men, nay, the wisest and best of their actions, may be rendered ridiculous by a person whose first object in life is a joke.
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I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.
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It's when I make a joke about Indian people and then a white person comes up to me and says, "That's wrong. You should not talk about Indian people," and the Indian people are over in the audience like, "I thought that joke was hilarious." That is so weird. Then why are you getting mad? You're burning unnecessary calories. You're getting made for the sake of getting mad. I don't understand it.
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Quite frankly I think the press took it out of context. They … blew it out of proportion. It was just a joke. I didn't mean it in the way it was meant to be ... I apologize for it.
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An Englishman does not joke about such an important matter as a bet.
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I like to joke with my wife that she's the CEO of... certainly of our household.
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You should not take old people who are already dead seriously. It does them injustice. We immortals do not like things to be taken seriously. We like joking. Seriousness, young man, is an accident of time. It consists, I don't mind telling you in confidence, in putting too high a value on time. I, too, once put too high a value on time. For that reason I wished to be a hundred years old. In eternity, however, there is no time, you see. Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.
