Joke Quotes

• A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

  

  Friedrich Nietzsche
  • Death
  • Joke
  • Epigram

• Some people are so dry that you might soak them in a joke for a month and it would not get through their skins.

  

  Henry Ward Beecher
  • People
  • Dry
  • Soak

• Someone once told me a joke," he said. "I'd like to be a pacifist, but people keep getting in the way.' I made a decision to fight for my friend in prison. It was a deliberate decision. It isn't the only way-it's just something I decided.

  

  Edeet Ravel
  • Friend
  • Prison
  • Pacifist

• In a theatre it happened that a fire started off stage. The clown came out to tell the audience. They thought it was a joke and applauded. He told them again, and they became still more hilarious. This is the way, I suppose, that the world will be destroyed-amid the universal hilarity of wits and wags who think it is all a joke.

  

  Soren Kierkegaard
  • Theatre
  • Audience
  • Destroyed

• I thought everybody was in on the joke. But I was the joke.

  

  Billie Joe Armstrong Green Day
  • Everybody
  • Joke

• I lived that life for real, so to talk about it was like a joke, you know what I mean?

  

  Tone Loc
  • Life
  • Real
  • Joke

• There's a running joke among fans that Jack never goes to the bathroom. We had a scene where I was running towards a sign pointing ?BATHROOM' to the left and ?OFFICES' to the right. I did a double-take and ran towards the bathroom! We sent it in to the network, as a joke reel. But, quite frankly, nobody wants to see Jack Bauer go to the bathroom.

  

  Kiefer Sutherland
  • Running
  • Scene
  • Bathroom

• The thing that's weird is that we thought it was funny. We expected people to get the joke - that we with Andrew Ridgeley were two guys really making asses of ourselves.

  

  George Michael
  • Funny
  • Joke
  • Asses

• Richard Lewis is the master at taking a joke that he's told a million times in a row in the past year, on the road, and making it look like he's pulling it out of thin air.

  

  Artie Lange
  • Past
  • Air
  • Road

• A true Englishman doesn't joke when he is talking about so serious a thing as a wager.

  

  Jules Verne
  • Joke
  • Englishman
  • Wager

• They have been a joke with regards to the selection. I didn't say that earlier because I thought I'd get sent to Alaska and they don't have a regional there.

  

  C. Vivian Stringer
  • Joke
  • Selection
  • Regards

• Whether people grow fat by joking, or whether there is something in fat itself which predisposes to a joke, I have never been quite able to determine.

  

  Edgar Allan Poe
  • Joke
  • Fat
  • Predisposes

• I don't get the animosity when someone tells a joke that you don't like. Whereas if someone made a dish that you don't like if you went to a restaurant, you would either try another dish or you just don't go back to that restaurant. But you don't say like, "I did not like the hamburger here. This restaurant should be shut down. It should be banned from making hamburgers. No one else should have these hamburgers." And everyone else is like, "No, you wouldn't do that."

  

  Brad Williams
  • Restaurant
  • Dish
  • Animosity

• Seriousness is an accident of time. It consists of putting too high a value on time. In eternity there is no time. Eternity is a moment, just long enough for a joke.

  

  Hermann Hesse
  • Time
  • Eternity
  • Accident

• The concept of democracy is a fucking joke. Rock’s supposed to shake things up and say, ‘Fuck that, this is shit, man! Let’s burn down the Houses of Parliament!’

  

  Matt Bellamy Muse
  • Democracy
  • Joke
  • Houses Of Parliament

• Quite frankly I think the press took it out of context. They … blew it out of proportion. It was just a joke. I didn't mean it in the way it was meant to be ... I apologize for it.

  

  Akbar Al Baker
  • Mean
  • Joke
  • Apologize

• The wisest and the best of men, nay, the wisest and best of their actions, may be rendered ridiculous by a person whose first object in life is a joke.

  

  Jane Austen
  • Life
  • Actions
  • Wisest

• At bottom the world isn't a joke. We only joke about it to avoid an issue with someone, to let someone know that we know he's there with his questions; to disarm him by seeming to have heard and done justice to his side of the standing argument.

  

  Robert Frost
  • World
  • Done
  • Justice

• I've always been jealous of people who can tell stories really well in a room with a bunch of people. I've never been good at it because I'm not cocky enough to be like, "Okay, everyone, listen right now to this. I'm going to blow your minds with this joke."

  

  Brendan Benson
  • Stories
  • Joke
  • Jealous

• I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.

  

  Elayne Boosler
  • Pretty
  • Opportunity
  • Issues

• I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

  

  Artie Lange
  • Joke
  • Apologizing

• An Englishman does not joke about such an important matter as a bet.

  

  Jules Verne
  • Important
  • Joke
  • Englishman

• Similarly the animal psychologist, Aristophanes, accidentally discovered the world's first joke while inquiring into the hitherto mysterious motivations of pathway-traversing fowl.

  

  George Pendle
  • Joke
  • Motivations
  • Fowl

• Contrary to reports, this boy is not a billionaire or going to be richer than any Beatle - and not just in the sense of money, by the way. The Beatles are untouchable. That’s just a joke.

  

  Bono U2
  • Reports
  • Deatle
  • Sense Of Money

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